As I was thinking of stories to share with you all for this Healing Through blog, I was hit with a remembrance of a feeling tone of crushed expectations. I was inspired to start this blog from a book called "It's Not About The Money" written by Bob Proctor. In this book he shares about needing to have an expectation in order to actually receive what you desire. This concept he often talks about in his seminars, books, and other materials is a genuine key to creating a real manifestation of that what you see in your mind. If you don't expect it to happen, it won't happen.
I've also been listening to and watching "You Were Born Rich", another Bob Proctor creation. In this seminar he shares the story of a memory that he was hit with after seeing a young boy play with a yo-yo. In that memory he was reminded of an older guy that was the yo-yo Pro in his neighborhood. How this yo yo Pro would walk around with this sweater that signified his expertise in the yo-yo world. It had a deep V, it was a burgundy color, and it was covered with pins of all of the tricks that he had learned to do. As a young boy, Bob Proctor would hang around him to learn the different tricks. He and the other young boys on the block thought this guy was so cool and they really looked up to him. One day the older guy told them that there was going to be a yo-yo competition and the prize for winning this competition was a sweater just like the one the older guy was wearing. Immediately little Bob had the vision of himself with that sweater on. He could feel it on his body. He could hear the little girls around him saying "oh that's the guy that won the yo-yo competition". He felt the pride in himself.
Often as young people we can get very emotionally attached to things very quickly. As I was listening to Bob's story and watching him do his cool yo-yo tricks, I was hit with a feeling tone of crushed expectations from my childhood. One thing I really wanted and was very emotionally attached to as a young person, aside from doing well in sports or doing good on my grades, was having a dog. I remember every birthday, every Christmas I would ask for a dog. Pretty much up until I was 13 years old. The reason that I stopped was because I never got the dog. I had this expectation that even though I was told no, even though I was told I didn't need one, told that I won't be responsible for it, I would still ask. There was that child like expectation and emotional attachment to having a dog within me. The part that really messed me up was whether it was my birthday or it was Christmas I would get an animatronic dog or a stuffed dog or a dog card or a dog magnet. But there was never actually a dog. I did get a guinea pig in sixth or 7th grade, but as much as I loved her and was grateful for the 6 years of life that we shared with one another, it was not the sort of companionship that I was looking for. It wasn't the idea that I was emotionally attached to.
After being on this healing Journey since 2017, I'm recognizing that having the desire for a dog, and having the expectation for it to happen simply because I was a child that wanted to believe that believing was enough, but having that expectation met in a joking or sidelined or non-satisfactory manner built a paradigm in me that the likelihood of my expectations being met in the way that I desired was very low. It created an unconscious belief that it doesn't matter if I really want something or ask for something or am emotionally involved or attached to something, my expectations aren't going to be fulfilled.
That's a challenging perspective to face. That's a major confrontation with myself in this season of being more aware of and alert to the universal laws and the way that things come into being, one being the power of expectation. It's challenging to face and accept that that's how I've been operating. And while I know it is possible for me to release that, this is something that I am healing through as of writing this and probably something I will be healing through for some months potentially. I didn't even recognize it was taking place inside of my heart or my mind until this moment.
What I'm doing to support myself with healing through this is one acknowledging that this was a perspective that I've been living with. This is a reality that I've been living with, seeing the world through, even with all of my work on clearing out abandonment and unworthiness and neglect and rejection. There's still that little seed in there. And what that idea of crushed expectations really boils down to is feeling unworthy of actually receiving that which my heart desires or gets emotionally attached to. Even deeper, just the idea of getting emotionally attached to something produces a bit of hesitation because of this cycle that I went through and the personality concept that I created. Two, practicing intentionally breathwork.
Three, honoring any emotions that arise.
Four, sharing this vulnerable insight in a safe space so the story isnt suck in the echo chamber of the mind.
Five, actively replacing that thought with empowering thoughts that align with what I know to be true from my studies.
These are steps that supported me, so I hope they've sparked your inspiration. I hope they let you know that transformation IS possible.
PS if you don't know I am a spiritual coach and I curate community experiences to support people with their self-awareness and spiritual expansion so if that is something that you're interested in definitely reach out we have our coaching groups and workshops and online challenges so make sure you check out the what the rest of the website to see what calls to you and I look forward to connecting with you.
I am rooting for the authentic you on this healing journey!
Many blessings,
Angelique
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